Smug Cocktail: Minty Mojito

I'm not going to lie. The only reason I planted mint in the backyard was to use it in cocktails. Mint is a fast grower and a spreader and I haven't used it nearly as much as I had imagined. So you can picture my delight when my girlfriend, who was hosting a party at my house, came over loaded down with groceries and stamped her feet, puckered her face and said, "Shoot! I forgot to buy fresh mint for the mojitos, girl!"

Here was the moment I had been dreaming of when I put that fragile little mint plant in the ground several months ago. "Girl!" I told her. "You don't have to *buy* mint. Mint is free! It comes out of the ground!" Then I dragged her out to my backyard at 10 o'clock at night and made her wade through wet grass in 5" heels to witness (and lean over to smell) my mint.

This is my mint plant, wanting to be pruned and happy for the opportunity to serve.
As an aside, this is a gnarly spider I spied nesting on one of my fledgling hydrangea plants. Ewww!

Here is our very simple crowd-pleasing smug mint mojito recipe that will keep your guests shiny, happy and sipping.

Inside, we gathered together a bag of enticing limes, equal parts light rum and club soda, plenty of ice, and simple syrup (we ran out of sugar). Cut the limes into quarters.

Next, grab a clean handful of delicious smelling mint.
Mix everything together and serve.

To life! To health! And may your smugness be boundless!

Of Rehab, Theft, and the Silence of the Neighbors

The purpose of the rehab I do through my company is to provide stability for neighborhoods that are experiencing difficulties due to the foreclosure crisis. The statistics on the effect of foreclosed houses in a neighborhood are sobering. A 1 percent increase in foreclosures in a neighborhood correlates with a 2.3% increase in violent crime in that same neighborhood (Immergluck & Smith, 2006). Residents that have seen their neighborhood's foreclosure rate increase by 10-20% have seen a correspondingly sharp increase in crime. Our work is focused as much on the existing residents in the neighborhood as on those who are moving into our houses. Quickly moving houses out of foreclosure and getting them re-occupied protects the house from becoming a refuge for criminals or squatters. Returning the houses to the market supports property values by eliminating the downward pressure of bank sales.

Still, the recession ushered in by the housing/banking crisis has created many desperate people who are looking to improve their economic situation by preying on the efforts of rehabbers. To date, crooks have stolen cans of paint and construction materials from a house in active rehab, a water heater from the crawlspace of recently acquired home pre-rehab, bedding and a rug from a fully staged house (don't ask, I don't understand it either), and an AC unit from inside a locked metal cage. The hot water heater and AC unit were stolen in broad daylight in full view of the neighbors. Stealing an underground water heater is no small feat. A truck backed up the driveway, guys got out and broke the lock on the crawlspace. They scuttled inside and yanked a 160 lb, 5 foot tall water heater out of the ground, dragged it into the truck and drove away. No one called the police.

The AC unit thieves waited until the tenant left for work, then pulled into her driveway, positioned themselves on the side of the house in full view of the street and tried to peel the top of the metal cage back with wire cutters. That took so long that they gave up and used a crowbar to break the lock on the cage and ripped a 343 lb AC compressor out of the ground and drove off. Again, no one called the police and no one saw anything.

I heard a story about a daylight robbery of a boutique in a residential neighborhood. The burglars broke the windows, but were stymied by burglar bars that would not allow them to reach in and grab anything. A gentleman who had been watching walked over and showed them that the store owner had left the long-handled hook that retailers use to pick up items from high shelves near the window. He grabbed the hook and they proceeded to pick clean everything that was within the hook's reach. How do we know this whole story? Because the neighbors who were sitting across the street on their porch watched the entire thing and told the store owner later. Sigh.

Theft adds an appreciable cost to housing rehab. It drives up the cost of the work so it increases sales prices and rents. It also drives other buyers from the area. Developers are limited in what they can do to combat theft short of hiring round the clock surveillance. We need the help of neighbors to take down license plates and call the police immediately when a theft appears to be in progress.

Greed through all levels of the economy -- from bankers and mortgage lenders to neighborhood thieves -- have characterized this recession. The silence of people who knew better allowed the fire to burn, engulfing the global economy. Just as the regulators, ratings agencies, banks and attorneys have to re-examine their roles and act with a larger sense of responsibility and backbone, individuals who want to live in safe stable neighborhoods need to act like neighbors and watch out for each other. I think De La Soul said it best, "Neighborhoods are now 'hoods 'cause nobody's neighbors." I'm only as safe as the guy living down the street because after they come for him, they'll come for me.

What $90K Will Buy in the "Country"

Okay city folks, I know how you feel about people who live in the "country". I used to live in NYC, where Queens is considered country and the Hamptons is down right rural. In fact, I went back to visit NYC once and sitting in a movie theatre during the African film festival a friend whispered to me that this must be such a different experience from where I now live. What's so different, I wondered, the running water, flush toilets, and popcorn that we can't gain access to outside of New York City?

I digress. Sorry city slickers, this post might break your heart. Last week I went for a drive through a suburb of my city looking for foreclosed houses in neighborhoods where saving a few homes could have a huge impact on ensuring stability for its residents.

This suburb is what city folks would call the "country". We even call it the country here in the city where I live. It's a good 25 to 30 minutes outside of downtown. I didn't see cows, but there were horses, lakes, and a slower pace of life than we are used to in more urban surroundings.

Do you want to know what $90,000 will buy you 25 to 30 minutes outside of town? This!

and this: and this too:

I know! I was shocked too. And the last house sits on about 1/2 an acre of beautiful lawn in a subdivision.

These pictures are of the side yard and backyard. The house had FIVE bedrooms and three and half bathrooms. It also had a bay window:

and a beautiful fireplace: Out of control. We saw another house like it in a subdivision with tennis courts, a pool and a rec center. It was also $90,000.

There is definitely a trade off between living out in the exurbs and living in a city. You can't walk anywhere but to your neighbor's house and you're far from the center of the action in the city. However, these houses are a prime example of the "drive til you qualify" mentality. People seeking larger houses who couldn't afford 2500 sq ft in the city just kept pushing out into the suburbs and exurbs until they found a house that fit their desires in their price range. Of course, no one ever factors in the cost of gas and car maintenance for a 90 minute or more daily commute into the city to work. And no one ever factors in the quality of life sacrifice to be caught in traffic for so many hours each day. The environment suffers and so does your personal life. Still, for people who live work and play in the exurbs, these deals are a steal. I guess theyse homeowners could also use what they saved on a mortgage to buy a helicopter. I hear those can get you across long distances in a hurry.

Popsicles and Pesticide

Sometimes the stories I hear about housing rehab are so funny that I have to pass them on.

Two members of my team were out looking at houses one afternoon when a man came in to spray for bugs. He knew the real estate agent and they chatted for a bit before the exterminator started spraying insect poison in the room. My teammates were shocked that he sprayed while they were all standing in there so they ran out to avoid the fumes. Soon, the exterminator also left the house, walked over to the ice cream truck he was driving and shoved the pesticide and sprayers inside the back of the truck.

My colleagues stopped and gaped. "He doesn't sell ice cream out of that truck does he?" one asked.

" 'Course he does," came the reply. And to the exterminator the agent called out, "Say, did you ever get that freezer fixed?" He gestured toward the truck.
"Yeah. She's humming now." The exterminator/ice cream man climbed in and drove off.

I've heard of the ice cream man doing double duty as a pedophile or a drug dealer, but as an exterminator? Out of the same truck?! Ewwww....

Smug Snacks: Baked Tortilla Chips w/ Sour Cream and Fresh Chives

When you grow plants that are also food, it helps if you like to eat them. I planted chive seeds in the pot next to my basil on the front porch and they have been growing like crazy, looking like Einstein's hair peeking out of a silver pot.

A while ago, I was on a sour cream and cheese kick. I think I was low on calcium or something because my nails would break at the slightest provocation and all I wanted to do was ladle sour cream and cheese into my mouth. At that time, I learned to make baked tortilla chips because tortilla chips are the most efficient way to ladle both cheese and sour cream into your mouth.

This recipe, like the last one, is ridiculously easy and fast.

First, the ingredients:
Corn tortillas
Salt (sure we're cutting down on salt, but we're making chips! I'm no martyr)
Cooking spray
Sour cream
(smug, homegrown) Chives -- don't forget the best part is sidling out to the front porch, hips swinging, to get the chives in full view of your neighbors. Try smelling them fresh from the pot. It's a heady onion smell, but it's fabulous!

Pre heat the oven to 400. Spray a cookie sheet (or 2) with the cooking spray. Use the scissors to cut the tortillas in quarters. For the scissors, I thank all my Korean friends who used to let me come over their houses and eat all their food when I was a kid. Their moms used to cut kim (seaweed) with scissors and I realized how brilliant they were for using scissors in the kitchen.

The tools

I digress. Place the quartered tortillas on the cookie sheet, spray them with cooking spray and douse the tortillas gently with salt. Put them in the oven. Watch them after about 5 minutes because they cook pretty quickly. Take them out before they are too brown or else they'll burn.

While they are baking, cut up your smug (or gasp, store-bought) chives. Toss them into a bowl with your sour cream and mix them up.

Your chips will look something like this when they come out.

And because presentation is all, make a nice arrangement et voila! You get double smug points because you've got baked chips and homegrown chives (so healthy! so green!). You may not be able to fit yourself, your smugness, and your fab dish all in one room. Enjoy!

Next time, I'll try to make my oh-my-goodness-you-made-this-salsa Salsa.

Do Background Checks On Your Renters, People

If I could grab you by the chin, turn your head sharply to me and force you to look into my eyes, I would. And I would say to you, "Just like the criminal justice system, you pay on the front end or you pay on the back end." I know how tempting it can be to accept the first the person who shows up waving a cashier's check for the first month's rent and security deposit, but beware your prospective tenant may be driving a fancy car and wearing nice clothes because he makes a habit of skipping rent payments to buy consumer goods. That sweet older gentleman who came by with his daughter could be looking for a new location for the ladies of his house of ill-repute or drug distribution den. Looks are often deceiving and people who tell lies get so good that it's hard to catch them until you do some digging.

In the short time I have been doing this work I have had lovely people with checkered backgrounds try to rent my homes. Some are profligate deadbeats who have left piles of bitter landlords in their wake. Others were sex offenders applying to live in a house close to schools (this is illegal in my state). A credit check, rental history check, and criminal background check are essential. Many times people who know they would fall afoul of these checks come to single family homeowners because they think a small operation of one or a few people won't run these critical checks. Often, they are correct to the chagrin and everlasting regret of the homeowner.

One of my friends owned a rental home with electric heat. The tenant was glad to have electric heat because gas bills are expensive and the gas company often requires a large deposit. The problem is that electric heat can take a long time to adequately warm up a house. The tenants may have been like me -- I like a house that feels like an oven in the winter. Since the heater was not getting them there, what better way to make the house feel like an oven that to turn the oven on? And open the oven door? And hey, how about turning on a few burners to warm your hands, and oh! The house burned to the ground. Erp.

Now that family needs a new place to stay. If you don't talk to their former landlord, you would not know about the fire (why would the tenants tell you they torched their last place?). As a landlord, you may still want to rent to this family, but you should want full information.

How Does Your Garden Grow?: Root Rot

Mine apparently grows with armillaria root rot (aka "mushroom rot"). I planted 8 delicate bare root ball hydrangea plants about 6 months ago. As is my custom, I worried over them incessantly, watched them morning and night and watered them as necessary. One morning I came out and saw these little mushrooms all over the mulch and root area of the hydrangeas (I am getting chill bumps just thinking about this). I chalked it up to the goo gobs of rain we had been getting, pulled out the mushrooms and went to work. The next day, more mushrooms! Now I am standing outside in the 90 degree heat shaking like a leaf - what is attacking my hydrangeas?! And why are they wilting?

So, I googled "hydrangea and mushrooms" and what did I get? Armillaria root rot. The fun little fungus often hitches a ride to your garden from the greenhouses your plants are grown in. The mushrooms you see above the surface are the visible indication of the mayhem underground. Unlike the slugs I teased out and drowned with beer, armillaria root rot cannot be abated once it takes hold and it is fatal. Though I am devastated, the nursery I purchased from has a 1 year guarantee that they honored cheerfully. I received a full refund.

What I am trying to figure out now is what to do about my wilting hydrangeas and the soil they are in? The mint, basil, rosemary and cherry tomatoes are not showing any signs of root rot, so I don't think it's spreading. However, what steps should I take to safely remove and discard diseased hydrangeas? And how should I ensure the soil is ready to take new plants safely? Do I need to till the soil? Throw away my old gardening gloves? Help!

BEFORE:
Healthy, young hydrangea

AFTER:
Little mushrooms of death

Dinner Tonight: Smug Scallops with Fresh Basil over Pasta and Broccoli

This recipe derives its smugness from the addition of fresh basil grown in your own yard or pot. It takes a few weeks to prepare, but what you gain in healthy nourishment and self-satisfaction is well-worth the time. Besides, growing basil is easy.

First, start with a few basil seeds, a simple pot (mine is from Target's $1 aisle) and potting soil. Pour the potting soil into the pot, level it with your hand or a trowel and pat a few basil seeds into the top of the soil. Water, pat the seeds once again and place the pot in an area where the sun can reach it. Despite all evidence to the contrary, I never trust that anything will actually grow from seeds and I always sow too many, they all sprout and then I end up having a crowded pot that needs thinning. Basil are hardy and just a few seeds will do nicely. Pretty soon it'll look like this:



And if you keep watering and being kind to it, it'll look like this:



Then you can preen over it and speak loudly in the grocery store about how well your basil is doing and oh, you have so much how can you possibly eat it all, and oooohh, you feel deeply sorry for those people who *buy* basil when it grows so generously from our good sweet earth. Sigh. Back to the recipe.

I love pasta with just a simple olive oil reduction (is that the right word? I heard it on Top Chef) of salt, pepper and garlic. But, since we are cutting back on salt, I decided to try some of my basil as a seasoning. So, I trotted out to the front porch, pinched off several leaves, rinsed them and threw them in the skillet with olive oil, crushed garlic and pepper. You can see the mixture simmering away here. I like lots of garlic.

Then I dry the scallops, roll them in cracked black pepper and throw them on top of the mixture.

While all this is happening, you can boil your pasta until it's al dente and throw a package of broccoli in the microwave (Steamfresh is awesome). First pile lots of broccoli on the plate, then the pasta. Last, spoon the scallops on the pasta and generously pour on the sauce they cooked in.

Et voila! Dinner!

Smug sauteed scallops with pasta served over broccoli. My husband liked it so much that he licked his plate! Yum!

On Personal Growth: Bastard-Covered Bastards

There are few things I hate more than personal growth. Oh, there are cockroaches. And spiders. Okay, I hate cockroaches, spiders and personal growth - in that order. I went into affordable housing work with a picture in my mind about the noble, hardworking people I'd help and the warm glow that would accompany all of my working hours. Most people I work with are great or bland, but there are always a few that inspire great fury, great growth, and usually both.

In one of my favorite episodes of “Scrubs” Dr. Kelso and Dr. Cox try to convince J.D. that "people are bastard-covered bastards with bastard filling" and it is foolish to expect better. I'm not quite as cynical as they are, but I will say that renting houses is not for people wearing rose-colored glasses. One of your clients will undoubtedly break your glasses and gouge out your eyes with the shards. I'm just saying.

The fact is, the perfect poster child for “deserving fill-in-the-blank” does not walk the earth. What I find infuriating other team members can shrug off. Our different personalities allow us all to find balance. For instance, one particular sale was very difficult with the buyers being so strapped for cash that we had to make a lot of concessions and other changes at the closing table in order to close the deal. As I drove by the house one day to see if they were keeping up the place (because I am very possessive of my houses, even when they aren’t mine anymore) I noticed a beautiful teal-colored Mercedes in the driveway. At 2pm! I called in to the office and poured envy, judgment and unadulterated hateration through the phone as I glared at the house, “Can you believe that these people who didn’t have 2 pennies to rub together at closing have a Mercedes??? And they are at home! I don’t have a Mercedes!And I am working!”

So?” replied my colleague. “They probably got caught up in society’s destructive consumer culture which encourages everyone to spend beyond their means. You saw their bank statements and loan documents. You know they don’t have any money.”

“But, but…a Mercedes…” I whined.

“The Mercedes is just a symbol of why they got into the financial mess they are in.”

I gave up and hung up.

Sometimes in an altruistic rush to help people who somehow “deserve” it, it is easy to forget that all social/philanthropic/humanitarian work seeks to create opportunities for people to improve the outcomes of their lives regardless of what personal foibles or societal circumstances have driven them to the point where they need help. It doesn’t mean turning a blind eye to fraud where it occurs, but it does mean that those of us who do this work are at our best when we are not judging the how or why of our clients” financial situations.

Most importantly, in the event I should ever need help, I hope that whether or not I am a bastard-covered bastard with bastard filling (and I am), someone or some organization will be there to mercifully help me move past my foibles as well and give me a chance to rebuild.