Rottweiler Phone Neighbor Update

You may remember this post about the Rottweiler Phone Neighbor (RPN) at one of my houses. He's the one who parks various vehicles in my driveway and knows the history of the neighborhood. Well, one day I was checking on the house and he told me why he parks cars in my driveway: since retirement he has taken to detailing cars -- in the driveway of my house! Then he leaned in conspiratorially and said, "I've been noticing your car and you really need to get it detailed. It looks baaad." Wow. Now every time I go over there he reminds me about the need to get my car detailed. And he even told my husband that his car needed detailing too! Way to be, RPN. Just make sure no one breaks in the house, 'kay? Thanks.

Now that RPN and I are BFFs, he feels free to come to me with all kinds of requests. The other day I stopped by the house and he approached me (RPN is allllways home) while gesturing expansively toward the overgrown yard, shaking his head and tsk, tsk, tsking, "What is goin' on over there?"

"Hey, RPN," I greeted him. "I know it's a bit out of control. I'll make sure it gets mowed."

"Well I wuuzzz gonna hit it when I did my own lawn," he hinted.

"Really?" I asked him, letting him know I was taking the bait and he could finish his thought.

"But I didn't know if I was gonna get paid!" He finished.

"We pay our bills, RPN. I'll check with my property manager and have her contact you."

"Aren't you the owner? Don't you have the money?" He pressed me.

"Noooo. She is in charge of keeping the house straight. I am just the owner. I'll have her contact you."

When I contacted the property manager, she told me that she doesn't like getting involved with neighbors because they are always bugging her about getting paid immediately. I asked her to throw RPN a bone because I needed his good will. She called him and he cut the grass. A few days later I received a groggy sounding voicemail from a woman telling me she was a neighbor of the house and to please call her back. When I called back the new classic, "She's a 5 Star **tch" blared in my ear as the ring tone until a very tired sounding woman answered the phone. She told me she was RPN's wife (Erp?!) and he needed to get paid for cutting the lawn. Ack! The neighbor harassment had already started and she was calling me!! I told her I'd call the property manager and we'd handle it.

The property manager said that the woman had already called her all loud, rowdy and wrong, demanding payment in cash. I was beside myself with laughter and then she topped it off: "And she is none of his wife. She can claim it, but she can't claim it like you can!" I am a newlywed. I laughed so hard I nearly ran off the road. I really need to get a bluetooth. And a professional lawn guy.